The Cartwrights’ annual Christmas ball was held at their lavish twenty-room Texas estate
this evening. An invite-only over-the-top Texas-sized Christmas party where big hair and shoulder pads
ruled the dance floor. Rosa Cartwright, the virginal debutante daughter of Mr. Cartwright, glowed from
the corner of the room with a smile that held a secret.
Rosa would lose her virginity that night. She had it all planned out. Rosa would make a love
scene; even though she had never made love herself, she had a good idea of what one consisted of. She
had already booked a room at the Holiday Inn under a fake name. She wore a silk scarf and sunglasses.
The ordeal made her feel adult and mysterious, like the women in the classic silver-screen films of the
1940s. Rosa had watched romantic movies and read The Joy of Sex, which her mother furiously threw
onto the fire along with Lady Chatterley’s Lover. But behind her headboard was a hidden, fully illustrated
copy of the Kama Sutra that she read in her closet by flashlight in amazement and wonder, flipping the
book upside down and around to comprehend its many complicated sexual positions—a stolen gift from
her younger cousin Julia, who had swiped it when her mother wasn’t looking. Julia was the only one who
knew about Roman; she could trust her.
“Impossible,” she whispered.
In the closet at night was her study time, her research into the unknown and mysterious
wilderness of S-E-X; a world she wasn’t ready for, but her boyfriend Roman was. She wasn’t even
supposed to be seeing this Miller boy, as he was known around their small Texas town as a
troublemaker and a ladies’ man. The Millers were C-M-E church folk. The type who only goes to church
on Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Easter. And on each occasion, he wore the same brown double-
breasted corduroyed suit. Only a man as handsome as Roman could make such a hideous suit attractive.
Mr. Cartwright, Rosa’s father, the wealthiest businessman in town, had already picked out the
perfect boy for Rosa: Roman’s cousin, Benjamin. He was a recent college graduate from the University of
Houston and her father’s newest hire. Benjamin was from a more prosperous, decent branch of the
Miller family, who treated Roman’s side as poor, distant relations. She would make nice with Benjamin.
Smiled when he smiled, laughed at corny jokes, accepted his dates (all arranged by her father), and held
his hand right up until the point she knew her father was no longer looking. All this was to take the
attention off her real secret love, Roman, who looked like a dull penny standing next to Benjamin.
But she couldn’t resist Roman’s charms. The way the dimple in his right cheek popped out every
time he smiled, or the many letters and flowers he’d leave on her windowsill begging her to join him in
the night air. But she knew what he wanted, and he promised that he’d wait forever because she was
worth it. Rosa blushed every time she thought of Roman telling her she was “worth the wait.” But she
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wasn’t convinced that he could wait, judging by the way he flirted with other girls when he thought she
wasn’t looking. And when she watched him, he was someone she almost didn’t recognize.
Rosa floated out of the ballroom, heading to the punch bowl, the secret of her surprise filling
her with anxiety. From the punch bowl, she could see Benjamin approaching dressed as sharply as James
Bond or a secret service agent.
“I’ve looked for you everywhere, Rosa. Honestly, why is it always so hard to find you at your
own house?”
Benjamin was frustrated with Rosa. He had tried everything to get her attention, but she always
seemed somewhere else, even when they were on dates. He was in love with her, but she would never
know it. He had to tell her how he felt about her, but could never find the opportunity.
“Look, Rosa, we should talk about us. I want you to know that —”
“Benjamin, have some punch. Calm your nerves. Mama spiked it, I’m sure.”
Rosa says, taking a sip from her cup, her eyes focused on the partygoers spinning around the
ballroom. Her beautiful little cousin Juliet flirts with every man in the room. There was only one person
she wanted to see. Her father sent an invite to the Millers for the first time as a courtesy to Benjamin.
Rosa walked off from Benjamin, leaving him at the punch bowl alone, who, by this time, had resorted to
a night of drinking rather than following Rosa around for even the slightest bit of attention.
Someone will talk to him, she thought. Someone, just not me. Not tonight.
Rosa walked all over the party; into the gardens, the patio and gazebos, and the cigar and
billiards room, but there was no sign of Roman. Her heart began to race, thinking that he had finally
given up on her.
He’s moved on, I know it. He flirts with so many women. A man has needs… and what was I
giving him? Nothing. Moonlight kisses in the garden, the occasional feel-up. No, no, no, Roman loves me
and only me. He told me so. He is true to me.
There was one more place Rosa didn’t look, the more miniature garden where she and Roman
would sneak off to on those nights he’d show up at her windowsill. Their secret place. This garden hid
itself behind bushes that had to be lifted upon entering. So, when anyone was inside, it was as if they
had disappeared into a fairy world closed off by hanging branches and trees. Rosa lifted the lowest
branch that opened the entrance way to the garden, and there on a stone bench were Roman and her
beautiful cousin Julia in an embrace, their arms wrapped tightly around each other’s bodies.
Rosa stood, watching and listening as Roman told Julia of his deep, secret love for her. That he
only used Rosa to get to Julia. Rosa’s heart ached in a way it never had before. This pain was new; it
added pressure and weight to her chest, and it made her sweat and her heartbeat fast. She was
nauseous, sick, and dizzy at the sight of them. The two people she loved most in the world had placed a
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Kimberly Jackson
knife directly into her back. She had been used and was too naive to notice it happening right under her
nose.
Rosa’s head spun, and she felt her body go light. Just as she began to faint, Benjamin caught her
in his arms, with a look of sadness on his face. He had been there the whole time. He, in fact, couldn’t
drink the night away and forget about Rosa. He loved her too much.
“I knew it was someone who had your attention, other than me. But to find out it was Roman is
almost pitiable, given his reputation. Don’t tell me he’s had you, too?”
Benjamin looked disgusted, ashamed for Rosa, who had always thought he was so bright and
elegant, running behind this worthless Roman who couldn’t be loyal if you paid him. He scoffed, looking
at Rosa in the moonlight. She was so beautiful, and he loved her still.
“No, we haven’t “, Rosa paused, catching her breath. “I was prepared to… I wanted to know if it
meant keeping him.”
Rosa could hear how insane this had all sounded now. She was willing to give up so much for so
little to a conman, a liar. All these months she had dated Benjamin, and he had been the perfect
gentleman, and he never once pushed up on her for sex. This was the first time she had seen Benjamin
as a man, not as some placeholder for Roman. He had been kind, loving, and compassionate all this
time. Rosa felt like a fool knowing how she had treated Benjamin in the past.
“Would you mind taking me back to the party, Benjamin?”
“Of course.”
With his elbow out, he signaled for Rosa to take hold of him. Her voice was in a tone he’d never
heard before, the voice of a woman. Benjamin and Rosa danced the night away, and for a moment, she
forgot about Roman and Julia, but she knew the scare would always be there. Rosa was in pain, but
grateful for what she had witnessed. It was a turning point in her womanhood. It would always serve as
a reminder of how close she came to giving her soul to the devil.
